You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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