how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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