Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
