I feel great
I just peed on a car
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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