don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
