I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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