remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
