Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
