throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
