we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
