Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
