why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
