he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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