some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
