I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
