she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
