I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
