I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he puts the penis in happiness.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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