who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
