just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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