are you still at the devil's house?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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