Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
