oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
