My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
