with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
