I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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