I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
