Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
