I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
