think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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