Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
