If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
