I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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