you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
