the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
