I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
