I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
