Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
