I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
