I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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