You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
