Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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