i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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