I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
