Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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