Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
