who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
