the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
