sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
