Midget sex pt 2 tonight
now i know why i became what i already was.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
