Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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