p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
